PastPresentFuture
by KhristAlmighty1
Summary: I'm not good with summaries, please read and review. *C.1-5 now up*
1. The Wedding

AN: I realize that my other story "Remembered" isn't finished, but to tell you the truth, I got uninspired with that story. Some things have happened in the past month and I totally got off the writing vibe. But now I am back, and I have no itch to finish the other story. I actually love this one right now, and I hope you do too.  
  
Rating: R- for language and some sexual suggestions  
  
Summaries: I'm not good with them. So please just read, you will get the drift. Please review also.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own them but if I did, I would have Angel chained to my bed.  
I shifted my weight from side to side as I looked at myself in the mirror. I turned my back towards the mirror and looked over my shoulder to view myself again. It was made for me. The way the bodice hugged my breasts and slid down to my waist. The skirt began where the bodice ended and kept close to my slim body as it floated past my feet and spilled onto the floor. My decision was made and the only one that was left was to go barefoot or not?  
  
"Ooohhh, Buffy, you look so beautiful." I saw my sister's reflection behind me in the mirror and I smiled.  
  
"Come in Dawnie, I need your opinion." I turned and looked at her, my face feeling as if it was glowing.  
  
Dawn walked in and closed the dressing room door behind her. I gathered a bit of the skirt in my hands and lifted it up over my feet a bit.  
  
"So...should I wear shoes or go barefoot?" I looked down at my feet then back at her.  
  
"A definite barefoot. The grass at that place is so soft and it would just be a really fresh look."  
  
"A 'fresh look', Dawn? I think you have been reading one too many Vogues." I reached behind myself, unzipped the skirt, and slid it off handing it to Dawn to put back on the hanger.  
  
"I am just *saying* that it will be different." Dawn stood up and carefully hung the skirt up, then moved behind me to unhook the bodice.  
  
"I know, I was just picking on you. I'll be out in a minute." I waited for Dawn to leave the dressing room and I took the bodice off.  
  
I looked at myself in the mirror for a moment. My eyes wandered from my head all the way down to my toes. I still "trained" everyday, and even though I had gotten older, my body was still eighteen.  
  
I redressed and picked up the bodice as I walked towards the front of the store.  
  
"Have you made your final selection, Miss Summers?" The store clerk smiled the sweet smile she was taught while training for this job.  
  
"Yes, I think that will be the one."  
  
"Ok, we will need a small." The phone rang and cut her off. "David's Bridal Shoppe, how can I help you?" The woman flashed another smile my way and held up her index finger to indicate that she would need a moment. I nodded and looked around at some stuff at the counter, until my cell phone rang.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey beautiful!" His voice always made me smile when I heard it.  
  
"Hey you! What are you doing?" I asked, and I could feel the smile grow bigger on my face.  
  
"Well, I was going to start working on this client's case, but then I thought of you.so I wanted to say hi and remind you how much I love you."  
  
"I knew there was a reason why I love you so much." I sighed into the phone. Dawn came behind me and tugged my hair.  
  
"Is that Josh?" Dawn whispered to me.  
  
"Yes." I whispered back to her.  
  
"Tell him I said hi." She turned and went to look at more bridesmaids' dresses.  
  
"Was that Dawnie-Poo-Poo?" Josh asked in the baby-voice he used to taunt Dawn with.  
  
"Joshua Clark, you know she hates it when you call her that." I laughed and turned around to notice that the sales-woman had just gotten off the phone. "Hey, I gotta go, I have to finish up with some stuff here and then I will be on my way home."  
  
"Ok Buff, I will see you later; I love you.future Mrs. Clark." I beamed and imagined his face saying those words.  
  
"Love you too, bye." I hung up and walked over to the counter.  
  
The woman was ringing up my dress and looked up as I reached the register.  
  
"Ok, Miss Summers, we will need a small deposit."  
  
"Ok, hold on, I gotta find my card." I turned and began digging in my purse.  
  
I handed the woman my card and she went over a few store policies with me, and then I was done. I had my dress, the most important dress off my life. My wedding dress. I called to Dawn and we left the shop. I called Willow on my cell and made sure it was ok that I leave the dress at her and Tara's house. After dropping it off at Willow's we made our way back to Rivello Drive.  
  
"Hello ladies!" Kennedy called to us from the dining room table.  
  
"Hey Ken, I'll be right back down!" Dawn called as she hopped up the stairs to her room. "Kennedy, did you address and send off the invites?" I asked sitting beside her at the table.  
  
"Yep, all done. And now my hand is cramped up..." she held up her hand and crooked her fingers, "I look like I have arthritis."  
  
"Well, at least it won't be a surprise to you when you get older, and you will already be used to it." I laughed and walked into the kitchen.  
  
"Hey, Ken.did you finish that stuff for Buffy?" Dawn asked as she bounced into the dining room.  
  
"Yea, we already discussed that.late much?" Kennedy chuckled and went back to thumbing through her magazine.  
  
I made myself a salad, grabbed the address book Kennedy used to check off everyone she was sending an invite to, and headed up to my room. I plopped on my bed and began eating as I flipped through the pages, looking at the checkmarks Kennedy made by each person's name. Everyone was accounted for, and I went to close the book, but the pages flipped to the very back of the book. I gasped and almost choked on a piece of lettuce. Throwing the bowl on my nightstand, I grabbed the book and raced down the stairs.  
  
"Kennedy!!!" I called while running down the stairs.  
  
"Yea! Yea?" Kennedy met me at the bottom of the steps.  
  
"Did you send an invite to *everyone* in this?" I shook the book in my hand while I spoke.  
  
"Well, uh, yea.like you told me to." A worried look spread over her face.  
  
"Buffy?" Dawn walked up behind Kennedy and her face was full of question.  
  
I looked Dawn in her eyes, and then looked back down to the book, then back at Dawn.  
  
"Angel." 


	2. Looking Back

Six years had passed since I gave up being the slayer. That final battle took so much out of me, and I saw things that no one should even have nightmares about. And it wasn't just me. It was my friends, Dawn, Giles, and the potentials. A lot of people died that night, including most of the potentials, except two. Kennedy was so disturbed by what she saw, that she had to go into therapy for a couple years. Her parents were disgusted at this "lifestyle" of killing things; they did not want her anywhere near them. So I opened up my house to her, and she has been staying here since. Rona, the strongest of the potentials, became the new slayer. I trained her, schooled her, and then she was ready. Ready to be the "chosen one". She lives with us also, but we barely see her with school, work, and slayer stuff.  
  
It has been six years since I saw Giles, my watcher, my friend, my father figure. After that battle, he went back to England for good. I hear from him sometimes, mostly on holidays and birthdays. I asked him to be Rona's watcher, but he declined. He resigned his position to watcher, he wanted to live a normal life, and he deserved to.like we all did.  
  
Xander and Anya took the plunge and got married for real five years ago. They were meant for each other, and together they have a little girl, Joyce Anne Harris. She is the spunkiest little girl ever, with her brown hair and blue eyes; she has her father's quirkiness and her mother's straightforwardness. It is funny to be around her, because when she opens her mouth we all hold our breath, not knowing what she is gonna ask or what she is gonna say.  
  
Then there is Willow and Tara. They haven't gotten married yet, but it is assumed by all of their friends. They live on the next block, and last year they adopted a little boy, Alan Rupert Mclkay-Rosenberg. We all pick on Willow and Tara that Alan is going to grow up and marry Joyce. Willow gave up all of the magic, it reminded her too much of our pasts.  
  
Dawn's crush on Spike became love, especially after Spike started to return her feelings. At first I was disgusted with it, and Dawn didn't talk to me for almost a year. She thought I was still hung up on him, but I just didn't want my sister to be hurt. When Dawn asked me if they could come back and live in the house, I was put off, but still I agreed.  
  
"He has a soul now, Buffy. And it isn't cursed, no matter what.he can't hurt anyone anymore." Her eyes showed how much she loved him.  
  
I snapped out of my trance when I heard the phone ring. I stood up and walked to my door, just as Dawn called up the stairs.  
  
"Buffy! It's Josh!"  
  
I picked up the phone and held it to my ear.  
  
"Hey." "Hey Buff, listen I'm gonna be a little late tonight. This case is kicking my ass, so, uh don't wait up." His voice sounded very breathy, like he had just run a mile, but I didn't really think too much of it.  
  
"Oh, ok. Well, be careful on the way home. I love you." I said staring blankly at the walls.  
  
"Yea, me too. You seem distant..are you ok Buffy?"  
  
"I'm fine, I just miss you. I love you, do good work."  
  
"OK, well..uhm bye."  
  
"Bye."  
  
I looked too my bed and at the address book again, there was his name. This always happened, I was fine until I saw his name or found something that slipped under the cracks when I was throwing away everything that reminded me of him. I hadn't seen him in eight years, hadn't talked to him in eight years. But I could still feel his breath on my face. I didn't want him to have an invitation to my wedding, I didn't need him there. I didn't need a reason to doubt what I was doing. He was a security blanket, he was there at my best times, and there at my worst. He held me all night when my mother died, but then like always he was gone.  
  
I stood up and walked back down stairs, it was already evening and Spike was in the living room.  
  
"Slay..Buffy, what are you up to this fine evening, pet?" He flipped through the channels on the TV as he talked.  
  
"Don't call me that."  
  
"Touchy, touchy."  
  
I walked into the kitchen and Kennedy turned around to face me.  
  
"Buffy, I am sooooo sorry; I didn't know.I was just doing what you said."  
  
"It's okay Ken, it wasn't your fault."  
  
She breathed a sigh of relief, and continued cooking dinner. I heard Dawn giggling in the living room with Spike, and I turned to go back up the stairs. I entered my room and crossed to my bed; I picked up the address book and ripped out the page with Angel's address on it. I threw the paper in the trash and lay on my bed. Before I knew it, I was asleep. 


	3. He

"He probably won't even come, Buffy." Willow tried to sound reassuring.  
  
"Yeah, and if he does, whatever..Will, I am so tired of worrying about this." I sighed and looked for signs that Josh had come home last night.  
  
"Alan Rupert!!! Put that down!" Willow yelled, as I took the phone off my ear.  
  
"Damn Will, now I need a hearing aide." I managed a laugh while I stretched, and concluded that Josh had to work at the office all night.  
  
"Sorry, the terrible two's, and Tara is at the store, and...dammit! Alan! Buffy, can I call you back?" I heard something crash in her background.  
  
"Yea, good luck.bye."  
  
"Thanks, bye."  
  
I hung the phone up, and sat on the edge of the bed. No note about how he had gotten in late and had to get back to the office early. He didn't come home. The house was quiet, Kennedy and Dawn were both at work, Spike was downstairs probably sleeping, and Rona was in her room sleeping. I padded downstairs and poured a glass of juice. I looked up as I heard the front door open and close. My eyes darted into the living room, waiting to see who it was.  
  
"Buffy?" Josh walked around the corner and into the kitchen, in the same clothes he had left in yesterday.  
  
"Hey, late night?"  
  
"Uh, yeah, what are you doing up so early?" He walked over to me and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.  
  
"Willow called, so I was talking to her, and then I couldn't go back to sleep."  
  
"Oh, you look so beautiful in the morning." He smiled sweetly and walked back over to me, and kissed me down my neck.  
  
"Mmm hmmm." I purred in his ear as he kissed around my collar bone. He had a strange smell on him, kind of sweet. "New cologne?"  
  
"No, huh?" He stopped what he was doing and looked at me.  
  
"You smell sweet, like."  
  
"Oh, I had a jelly doughnut on the way here, and some squirted on me." He gave me a nervous smile, and then continued his kissing. "That was some powerful doughnut." I ran my fingers down his back and slowly pulled them back up to his neck, carrying the bottom of his shirt with them.  
  
Josh pushed his hands under my tank top and began caressing my breasts softly. I sighed as the world started spinning slowly around me. I loved it when he did that.  
  
"Hey.hey, Rona is upstairs and Spike is in the basement.we can't do this here." I breathed into his ear.  
  
"This is our house.we can do it where we want." He slowly lifted my tank, and licked his way to my nipples. They hardened quickly and my heart skipped.  
  
"Let's go upstairs, we can be quiet." I stood up, took his hand, and led him up stairs.  
  
Once in the room, I took off Josh's shirt and began to work on his pants. Josh was sliding my shorts down past my hips and working his fingers down. I loved making love to him in the morning. Soon he was inside me, and our bodies were like butter together. I kept shushing him, because his moans and groans seemed to boom. He kept shushing me, because I couldn't help but let out a few loud sighs. And then our thunder came together, and he lay on top of me for a moment, our bodies glistening with sweat.  
  
I stroked his hair and kissed his forehead, but he seemed to quiet, even for just after sex.  
  
"Hey, what are you thinking about?" I asked him, arranging his face so his eyes met mine.  
  
"Nothing...you..I have to go back to work."  
  
"Ok, now you seem distant." I sat up a bit and looked around for my tank top.  
  
"No, I just have someone.something I have to do. This case is making me crazy, but if I can win this, the partners could never refuse my raise." He stood up and walked towards the bathroom.  
  
"It's ok, as long as you have your head on for the wedding, its ok." I smiled and redressed, and opened the window.  
  
After his shower, Josh put on a new suit and headed out the door. He was in a hurry, and he forgot to kiss me goodbye. I always felt lost without that kiss. But I dismissed it and went on about my daily routine.  
  
Rona woke up about an hour after Josh left and she came into the kitchen looking for something to eat.  
  
"Good morning sunshine." I poured her a glass of milk and handed her a toasted bagel.  
  
"Thanks. You're awful chipper this morning. Must be that morning sex." Rona said nonchalantly.  
  
"Huh? We didn't..." I almost choked on my coffee.  
  
"Yea, young, not stupid." Rona smiled as she pulled her dreads back into a low ponytail.  
  
"Guess not." I said pouring out what was left in the coffee pot. "So you ready?"  
  
"Yea, let me go change into my workout clothes, and I'll be right out." She stood up and ran up to her room.  
  
I went to the backyard, plugged up the stereo, and began to stretch. Rona joined me and then we started our training. She was strong, and agile, and a great Slayer. As we trained, we talked about the wedding, and she was always trying to convince me to become a watcher. I always declined, and she would sigh. She then went into her rants about having a bad feeling about Joshua and she didn't like him very much. That always made me a bit angry, but she was at least civil to him when he was at home, so I couldn't complain.  
  
"You know, I don't think he will come to the wedding." Rona blurted out as we were meditating.  
  
"Who?" I pretended not to know.  
  
"Kennedy told me about her mistake. And from what I have heard about him, he will be sitting at home brooding too much, or worry about that Cordelia chick to care." Rona was always blunt with her words, and sometimes they cut like a knife.  
  
"We are supposed to be quiet. We are being quiet and concentrating." I breathed in heavily through my nose, and let out a sigh through my mouth.  
  
"Concentrating on the light, or concentrating on certain vampires?" Rona laughed to herself.  
  
"Shut it." 


	4. Days

"I can't believe you are gonna be married in two days, Buffy. Two days!!" Willow was almost more excited than me.  
  
"Yea, it's weird. And I'm gonna see Giles again, you know I asked him to walk me down the aisle." I said, bouncing Alan on my knee.  
  
"Aww, well, I know he really appreciates that. Have you gotten RSVP's from everyone?" Willows pushed back her shoulder-length, red hair behind her ear.  
  
"Yea, everything is falling into place. It's almost too easy." Alan crawled down from my knee and tottered over to the counter pointing to the cookies.  
  
"Did you get one back from..never mind.here sweetie." She stood up and walked over to the counter, grabbed a cookie and handed to the child.  
  
"It's ok, Will.and no, I didn't."  
  
"Oh, well.it's for the better. So what are we doing for your big getting married party?"  
  
"Nothing, I actually want to be completely alone tomorrow night. Everyone is leaving the house, and it is gonna be all mine." I smiled at the thought of a quiet house for one night.  
  
"Sounds fun."  
  
"No, it sounds relaxing."  
  
Willow and I chatted for about an hour longer, and then she left. It was quiet, with everyone at work, and Spike downstairs sleeping or doing whatever it was he did down there to keep from the sun. I went outside and sat on the porch, in two days I was going to be Mrs. Joshua Clark. I was grown up now, and all I could think about was how much I wanted my mom to be there.  
  
The day seemed to go by so fast, and that night we had a big dinner with all of our friends. Rona and Kennedy cooked; Anya and Xander came over with Joyce. Willow, Tara, and Alan also joined. Dawn and Spike sat beside each other and I could just imagine that in a few years, we would be doing this for them. Joshua was about 2 hours late, he was coming in just as Anya and Xander were leaving.  
  
"You knew what time this was starting, Josh, you couldn't tear yourself away for one night?" I pulled him into the kitchen where we could have a moment alone.  
  
"I told you, this is a big.."  
  
"A big case, yadda yadda, I know. But for one night.one dinner with our family and friends, it was more important than that?" I was angry, but I tried to keep my voice as low as I could. "Look Buff, I don't know what to say. I need this case ok, what I don't need is you on my back. I missed dinner, there will be others, damn." He slammed his briefcase on the counter, and I heard a hush come over the other room.  
  
"Fine." I whispered. "At least come in here and say hi to who's left." I walked past him and into the living room.  
  
Joshua followed behind me, apologized to everyone for being so late, and the rest of the night went smoothly.  
  
After everyone left, Josh took a shower and gathered his dirty clothes. As I picked up his pants an earring fell from the pocket. I picked it up and looked at it. It didn't belong to me, so I stormed into the bathroom.  
  
"Who the hell does this belong to?" I swung open the shower curtain and threw the earring in his face.  
  
"Buffy, dammit, wait..I have soap in my eyes." He washed the soap out and then focused on the object in my hand.  
  
"Who does this belong to?" I asked again, calmly but angrily.  
  
"I found it at work. It looks like one the secretary wears, so I was keeping it until tomorrow when I saw her." He started to fidget with his hands for a moment.  
  
I started to make another comment, but Josh grabbed me and swept me into the shower. I protested about my clothes still being on, but he took care of that. I looked at his body glistening with soap and water, God I loved his body. He kissed me all over my body, and we made love with the water showering over us.  
  
"I think I am gonna stay at the office all night and work tomorrow.since you want the house to yourself." Josh whispered in my ear as we drifted to sleep.  
  
"That's fine, just don't be late to the wedding." I laughed softly before falling asleep. 


	5. Tonight

It is quiet. Everyone is gone, and the house is mine. Rona is out slaying, and then going with Kennedy to Tara and Willow's. Spike and Dawn went to Xander and Anya's house. And Josh is at work. I fix myself a glass of wine and turn on some music. I take the phone off the hook and take a sip of wine while swaying slowly to the music. It is one of Dawn's CDs, some Sarah chick, but she can sing. A song comes on; it is talking about in the arm of an angel. Thanks Sarah, I say to myself walking over to the stereo to change the song.  
  
"Funny, I never remember holding her in my arms." A familiar voice comes from behind me. I jump and the stereo switches CDs, blaring some dance music. I slap the power button to turn the system completely off as I turn around.  
  
"Heh, didn't mean to scare you." He comes walking from the shadows of the dining room.  
  
"Angel?" I squint my eyes, as his features become clear through the candlelight. My stomach flutters and my heart jumps. He is still beautiful, his face still dark but I could see the light in him. I always could.  
  
"Hey." He says softly. He stops right in the middle of the room; he is only a few feet away from me.  
  
"What are you doing here?" I say, snapping out of my amazement, and feeling myself getting angry.  
  
"Giving you my RSVP." He pulls an envelope from his pocket and tosses it on the coffee table, staying where he is.  
  
"You need to leave, you have no right to just barge into my house like this.how did you get in?" I steady myself as I sit on the couch. My knees feel weak. I didn't think he could have this effect on me.  
  
"The back door was unlocked." He walks over to the couch and sits on the other end; he hasn't taken his eyes off me.  
  
"It's been eight years since I have heard from you, let alone seen you..do you really think it is ok for you to just come back here, without calling?" My head is spinning, his scent is so overwhelming, and I can feel his energy inside me, it is like a drug when I am around him.  
  
"Look, I just wanted to see you before."  
  
"Before what, Angel? Before I get married? Well thank you. Thank you for dropping in, but there is a phone." He reaches over and touches my hand. It is warm, like mine. Not cold like he used to be and I jump from the surprise.  
  
"Yea, about that," he knows what I am jumping at, "it happened about 3 years ago, a prophecy fulfilled, the vampire with a soul becomes."  
  
"Human." I finish for him and all at once I am amazed, happy, and jealous.  
  
My eyes meet his for a moment and then my eyes hit the floor. I had hoped and prayed for so long that one day he would become human, but in my prayers we were together when it happened. I stand up, cross into the dining room, and then into the kitchen. I steady myself on the counter and pour myself another glass of wine. I can sense him behind me and I whirl around.  
  
"So.what, you came here to rub it in my face?" I feel the tears trying to reveal themselves in my eyes, but I fight them off.  
  
"I came to wish you luck."  
  
"Fuck your luck, Angel. Your luck gets me no where. Your luck gets me alone." His sarcastic chuckle interrupts me.  
  
"Alone? Buffy, not three months after I left you were already shagging other guys." His tone is calm yet angry, and it makes my insides boil.  
  
"Oh, don't even go there. *You* left *me*! I begged you not to go, not to leave what we had, but you did..you left!"  
  
"I did what I.."  
  
"What you had to do.yes I know, Angel. A thousand times, I know." The tears win, and one slides down my cheek as I turn my head from him. I don't want him to see me cry.  
  
He walks to me and touches the small of my back. I turn to face him, I feel sick to my stomach. He wipes the tears from my cheek and lowers his mouth to my ear.  
  
"You promised me you would always be my girl, Buffy." He whispers softly, and his lips graze my ear as he speaks. Having him so close is intoxicating, until I register what he has just said.  
  
"You bastard!" I push him away from me, and the tears start flowing full force. "How dare you, I was supposed to wait until forever so we could have *forever*? Screw that! I loved you with every piece of me, every inch of my soul, and you couldn't handle it. Well sorry buster brown, your chance is gone because I have someone that can..." my voice softens a bit. "And will."  
  
"Buffy, I never meant to hurt you."  
  
"You never meant to hurt me? I promised you forever? Well what happened to forever when you were fucking Cordelia, huh?" I throw a punch at him but he catches my hand and I jerk it away.  
  
"Cordelia, how did.."  
  
"How did I know? How did I know that my heart was leaving me to join with another? Because call it intuition Angel, but I knew. I could feel you drift away. But I am the one who is wrong."  
  
"What about Riley?" He meets his eyes with mine.  
  
"Angel, I was heartbroken and he showed me what I needed. You just needed a good screw that would be there at your beckoned call. I needed someone to love.."  
  
"I did love her."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I did love her, not like I loved you, but."  
  
"Oh, cut the shit Angel! You moved on just like I did." I reach up into the liquor cabinet and grab the vodka.  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
"Fuck you, get out." I pour myself a shot and down it just as fast. "Get out!!!" I scream at him and throw the glass past him, and it shatters on the wall.  
  
"You still love me don't you?" He walks up to me and grabs my wrists while I try to hit him.  
  
"Angel, I will always love you. You have a big piece of my heart."  
  
"Then why are marrying him?"  
  
"Because he won't leave." I look up at him, and the urge to kiss him is so intense but I pull away. "Because.because, he won't leave me like you did." The pain in his eyes is real, but I don't care.  
  
"Buffy, I smell deception in this house. I don't trust..."  
  
"Oh, don't even start Angel. I don't give a damn who you trust, because I trust him. I love him. I am going to marry him tomorrow, and you can't stop me." The tears come to his eyes, and I look away. "Crying won't change anything Angel. I am marrying Josh tomorrow; now.please.leave me alone." I look back at him, but he is gone. I walk into the living room and see the front door is still open, and on the porch is a single white rose. I walk outside and pick it up, but my legs won't hold me up, and a thorn pricks me as I fall to my knees sobbing. 


End file.
